Breaking: Game Pirates Preparing to Legally Win the Console Wars

piratesIn an incredible twist of events, a few hardware pirating groups have decided to join forces and start a legal, console manufacturing company which, according to them, will actually win the console wars since it will deliver functional and dirt cheap consoles, just perfect for the economic downturn we’re all going through. Even more, it appears that Xbox 360, PS3 and even Wii consoles will become obsolete or, at most, a sweet memory thanks to this new piece of hardware.

Speaking with Unigamesity, the founder of the company, a former game pirate turned into a law-abiding citizen – who prefers to remain anonymous at the moment, said: “We have decided it’s time to move on. We’re not risking our freedom anymore for a couple of lousy grands a day. We’re going big, we [the pirates] have teamed up already and we’re going to rock the console world with a piece of hardware that will top the console sales in less than one year. And it will be 100% legal.”

According to the group of pirates who started this company, they will win the console wars since they already know how to create working consoles (they do have the experience, after all) at low prices, using crappy pieces of junk. The good news is that the new console (codenamed Buccaneer) will cost at most $50. Now that’s a bargain!

The Buccaneer will run all games on the market,” said the company’s CEO. “We don’t need first party developers, that only costs more money and we don’t want to spend, but to gain. Our console will be better than the competition simply because it will be able to run Xbox 360, PS3, Wii and even PC games, without additional software or hardware. We are really that skilled – the years of falsifying products will finally pay off”

We haven’t seen the Buccaneer in action yet, but it does sound incredibly sweet to have one that can run all games for all actual consoles, right? At least the fanboys’ war will be over. However, a problem remains: the games will cost more than the console itself and that could probably make the game pirates get back into the “dark” business, in order to gain even more profit.

“We are 100% clean. We’re going legal now, we won’t pirate hardware, nor software anymore,” assures us the company’s CEO.

What’s your take on this: will you give the Buccaneer a try or stick with the current, big name consoles? And, even more – should they be afraid of piracy?

UPDATE: Yes, folks, just as you have imagined – nothing is real in this news. Happy April 1st!

3 Comments

  1. Am I the only one that thinks you need Microsoft or Sony’s approval to sell a machine that can play 360 or ps3 games? Anyway, if they can put on the market a console that plays Blu-ray discs (otherwise, how could you play ps3 games on the consoel???) for $50, it’s an instant hit…

    The more I think about it, the more this news seem unlikely… Let me think… oh yeah! Arpil 1st! A great day for unlikely news…

  2. Alex wrote – “crap”

    Why don’t you wait and see first on what might happen, anything is possible… Look what they have done with the Commodore 64? That’s still going right to this day, which is being kept alive by a lot of underground sceners world wide! Demos are still being made, as well as games which are coded by the demo groups! And not to mention the hardware that is still being produced like the super ram card which has 16megs for and 8 bit system! Enough said.. When it comes to todays technology, anything electronic is possible…

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